


on the other side

by rivernyx (orphan_account)



Series: you, me, the world (soulmate au) [3]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Feels, I love them I swear, I worked hard on this pls dont sleep on it, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-02 04:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17257958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/rivernyx
Summary: hakyeon's always been a bit of a dreamer. he's always loved the concept of soulmates, and he'd fallen in love with color the moment he'd fallen in love with soulmate: the very moment he'd laid his eyes on them.and life isn't perfect, but it's close enough.the grass is always greener on the other side.hakyeon's getting there.or: the aftermath, as told by hakyeon.





	on the other side

**Author's Note:**

> after another 84 years!!!
> 
> i chose "author chose not to use archive warnings" to avoid spoilers, so tread carefully.
> 
> also, this is unbetaed and the style might be inconsistent bc the breaks i took between writing this were far in between. nonetheless i hope you enjoy!!

Colors are one of the best things to have ever happened to Cha Hakyeon.

 Colors give him an entirely new outlook on life; provide him with sights he’d never thought he’d ever see. Growing up, Hakyeon had always fantasized of a picture perfect future of seeing color, had always dreamed and imagined what it would feel like, what it would look like.

 Whenever his parents spoke of it— spoke of the idea of color, the entire science and theology and lore and legend of them— Hakyeon had grown even more curious, even more eager to finally find his soulmate, to fall in love with someone and spend a lifetime with whoever his partner in life would be. They’d be embarking on a journey together to discover things they’ve never seen before; just the two of them in their own little world.

 And then he did.

 He’d found love in the form of Jung Taekwoon on the night of his recital. Small lips bitten, a shy flush on his cheeks as he looked down on his feet and smiled bashfully. Sanghyuk had left quickly. Hakyeon had called out for him at first, before his attention (and his breath) was completely taken away by the timid waiter standing before Hakyeon with his hands still shaking around the notepad he was holding. He’d stared, awestruck, as the blacks and whites and grays slowly peeled off into color. Much more vibrant and dynamic than anything else he’d expected, anything else he’d ever dreamed of.

 He finds them incredible. He’d fallen in love with them the moment he’d fallen in love with Taekwoon. There’s no such thing as a slow burn here; no such thing as pining. A soulmate is a soulmate; it’s predetermined and concrete and absolute, and nothing you can do can change that.

 Because that’s what a soulmate is; a soulmate is your other half, meant to complete you and meant to share everything with you. It’s fate working hand in hand with science, and it’s fickle and uncontrollable. And Hakyeon is glad his soulmate is no other than Jung Taekwoon, who’s gentle and soft, who looks at him with such fondness, who makes him feel so warm. Soulmates are blues and reds, sitting opposite each other on the color wheel, yet complementing each other in near perfect harmony.

 It feels like home here, underneath the cottony sheets with Taekwoon’s arms wrapped around his waist. Mornings like these remind Hakyeon of blue; calming and peaceful and not too hot. The type of color that you’d feel satisfied looking at.

 Hakyeon smiles softly, cuddling closer to Taekwoon and closing his eyes in peaceful bliss as he basks in the comfort that washes over him, sighing a blissful little sigh. Taekwoon’s still fast asleep. He’s adorable when he sleeps. He’s beautiful when he sleeps. He carries none of the stress and exhaustion that plagues him every day when he comes back from work. He carries none of the pent-up frustrations, exasperations, pain.

 His pale skin (not quite white, but not quite sunkissed like Hakyeon's own skin tone, either) is almost glowing underneath the slivers of sunlight leaking past the window blinds. Hakyeon glances at the clock on the bedside table. It’s a little after six AM. It’s a Saturday, too. He doesn’t have to wake up so early. But Hakyeon knows he won’t be able to fall back asleep anyway, so he just gingerly removes Taekwoon’s arm from his torso, making sure not to wake the other man. It’s a hard task; Taekwoon’s not a light sleeper, per se, but he’s not a heavy one either.

 Hakyeon rearranges the blanket on top of Taekwoon so that it reaches right below his ears, fluffs up his pillow, gets off the bed and stretches his arms. He tries not to be so loud when he yawns and groans the grogginess away, tries to keep the volume of his footsteps on the down low when he goes to the cabinet to look for clothes.

 Hakyeon falters when he hears a small sound coming from the pile of pillows and blankets on top of the bed, a soft, “Come back to bed, Hakyeon-ah,” with a frown evident in Taekwoon’s sleep-addled voice. Hakyeon’s chuckling as he pulls on a sweater. He sits next to Taekwoon’s still form, gazing fondly as his boyfriend blinks up at him with tired eyes.

 “I need to go back to the dorm,” he tells Taekwoon. Taekwoon only frowns harder, he can see, and Hakyeon nearly caves right then and there because he’s far too soft for this man, damn it. Hakyeon breathes in and purses his lips. He stares right back at Taekwoon, whose pout does not falter in the slightest.

 “When are you moving in?” Taekwoon asks, a question that he’s been bringing up more frequently these days. Hakyeon would love to move in, he really would, but he can’t just yet. He still has to graduate, still has to look after Sanghyuk (who refuses to be babied, insisting that he’s a grown man, not a middle schooler.) He still has things to take care of back at the dorm, things to fix up, things to mull over.

 He tries not to hesitate too long before answering. Taekwoon tends to overthink sometimes, tends to take things the wrong way. “I don’t think I’m ready yet,” is what he finally says— the truth, since the pit of his stomach flips in discomfort at the idea of lying to Taekwoon, lying to the person he loves and will continue to love. Just the thought of it makes Hakyeon sick. He’d much rather watch the colors slowly melt back into grayscale.

 Taekwoon knows not to bring up the whole “But you’ve already pretty much moved in, anyway,” argument into play, because. Sure, he spends a lot of nights over at Taekwoon’s, but he hasn’t— really moved in. It’s too early into their relationship. He doesn’t think he’s moving in anytime soon.

 “Why not?” Taekwoon presses.

 “I just don’t think I am,”       

 There’s a pregnant silence for a moment. Awkward, uneasy silence. Hakyeon shifts in his seat. Taekwoon doesn’t break eye contact. His eyes are brown; so brown they could be black: mysterious and unreadable, hiding things that Hakyeon can’t wait to unearth.

 “Don’t you love me?” Taekwoon asks, and— Hakyeon does. He loves Taekwoon, loves him so goddamn much. Something overtakes Hakyeon just for a moment— some unadulterated defensiveness.

 “I do,” Hakyeon says— and he means it. He reaches over so he can stroke Taekwoon's cheek with a small smile on his face, “I’ll— I’ll talk about it with Sanghyuk, okay? Don’t you worry your pretty little head over it.”

 “You don’t need to talk to him,” Taekwoon pouts.

 Hakyeon chuckles, and pokes Taekwoon's cheek, because Taekwoon is simply precious, “But I do, Woonie. We’ve been living together for years, I can’t just. Leave.”

 He leans over and pecks Taekwoon’s lips, and Taekwoon grimaces because he’s shy and a bit self-conscious, nearly ducking away from the kiss. Hakyeon giggles and calls him cute underneath his breath, and Taekwoon pouts. There’s redness rising over his cheeks. Hakyeon revels.

 “I love you,” he tells Taekwoon when he’s pulled away and standing.

 Taekwoon smiles, the fresh blush never leaving his cheeks, “I love you, too,”

 

 Hakyeon and Taekwoon had been quick to fall in love. It’s only a given, after all. They’re soulmates; it’s like that. He giggles slightly under his breath as he thinks of Taekwoon on his way back to his and Sanghyuk’s shared room, the small smile on his face spreading into a much bigger one.

 Hakyeon goes up the elevator and thinks of Taekwoon. Hakyeon walks down the corridor (the wallpaper is cream and orange, and the tiles are dirty white. Almost yellow. Hakyeon still can’t get enough of them) and thinks of Taekwoon. Hakyeon stands before his and Sanghyuk’s apartment room and stops thinking about Taekwoon.

 He holds his hand up for a moment so he can knock, before rolling his eyes and smacking himself on the head at his own idiocy. Hakyeon reaches into his pocket for the room key, pushing it into the lock and then making his way inside.

 The living room is untouched; immaculate. No traces of anyone. The kitchen is clean, dirty dishes from the day before all washed and placed neatly on the tray. It’s spotless, almost terrifyingly so, since Sanghyuk really isn’t the type of person to clean up as often as Hakyeon would like him to.

 There’s paranoia, sinking in, and Hakyeon thinks to check Sanghyuk’s room just to make sure he’s still there—

 “Ah, hyung!”

 Hakyeon turns. He hadn’t even heard Sanghyuk’s footsteps, but he’s standing there now. His hair’s a mess, and his clothes are all dishevelled and rumpled. Sanghyuk smiles sleepily at him, rubbing his eyes. He stretches his arms and yawns.

 Hakyeon sighs in relief. Not only is Sanghyuk here, but he thankfully doesn’t look like he’d cried himself to sleep, eyes neither bloodshot nor swollen like they had the past few days. The past week, really— he’d started when Taekwoon and Hakyeon had met. Hakyeon feels a pang of something in his chest, sharp and cold and painful, and he smiles at Sanghyuk. “How did you sleep?”

 He’ll bring up the whole moving out thing at a later time, he tells himself. He can’t leave right now. He needs to watch over Sanghyuk. He needs to find anyone who’d hurt him.

 (Because he remembers, he remembers so clearly, the rage that had built up inside of him when he’d seen Sanghyuk running into their dorm that night, eyes wide and tears flowing. How he’d insisted nothing was wrong, how everything was okay, nothing had happened. But something had changed about him.

 The way he’d stare distantly, space out. The way he’d look at things he’s known his own life like he’s trying to get used to them. The way his eyes are dazed, most of the time, glancing everywhere but nowhere at all.

 “Did you meet your soulmate?” Hakyeon had asked once, at which Sanghyuk had vehemently shaken his head. Hakyeon had accepted it. After all, if Sanghyuk had met his soulmate, he would have told Hakyeon immediately after.

 It wouldn’t make sense, anyway. Your soulmate is supposed to make you happy, no matter what. Taekwoon certainly makes Hakyeon happy. Never mind the fact that they’ve only been seeing each other for such a short time.)

 “I slept okay,” Sanghyuk says with a smile. He looks around, chuckling sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “I— did the cleanness scared you? I tried to clean up a little to unwind. Someone I met on the internet does that.”

 Hakyeon rolls his eyes. “You did, for a moment. I thought you’d gotten abducted and replaced with someone else.”

 Sanghyuk laughs and ducks his head, and there’s a pink hue on his cheeks, and something churns in Hakyeon’s stomach. Something aches inside his chest again. Sanghyuk shifts from one red sock to another. There’s a hole where his big toe is. Hakyeon resists the urge to coo at how adorable it is.

 “I also ate everything in the fridge,” Sanghyuk admits, “Sorry,”

 “You should feel ashamed of yourself,” Hakyeon chides playfully, his right hand shooting out to hit Sanghyuk’s neck, which the latter dodges fairly easily. Hakyeon frowns. Sanghyuk grins anew, and Hakyeon finds himself smiling as well, the tense, anxious and worried nerves dissipating at the sight of Sanghyuk smiling easily, laughing easily.

 “It’s okay,” Hakyeon eventually says, “We can just head on over to the grocery store. Easy,” he looks Sanghyuk up and down, scrutinizing him with narrowed eyes, lips slightly curled in distaste. He pinches his nose for dramatic effect, “Hurry and shower, though. You’re a mess,”

 “Shower yourself,” Sanghyuk grumbles under his breath, but he’s already turning around and shuffling back to his bedroom.

 “I already have,” Hakyeon argues, pouting. He feels somewhat like a child, “At Taekwoon’s,”

 Sanghyuk stalls by the doorway.

 “Of course,” he says, before closing the door behind him. He doesn't slam it, but the sound of it being shut resonates across the apartment anyway, and Hakyeon finds himself staring at a whitewashed board of wood.

 

 

 

  Hakyeon has a secret.

 He doesn’t want to tell Sanghyuk about it, though; he’s scared of the consequences it might bring. He plans to tell Taekwoon about it though, because he trusts Taekwoon with his life, and surely— Taekwoon wouldn’t be mad at him about it.

 So the both of them are lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling. It’s white; pure, untainted. The words are sitting on the tip of Hakyeon’s tongue, and he opens his mouth to say them only to close it again, lips pursing together, fingers idly playing with the blanket. He breathes in deeply through his nose. His lips part again. Then shut. Under his breath, Hakyeon swears.

 Taekwoon turns his head a little bit, so he can face Hakyeon, eyebrows raised, “Is something on your mind?”

 “I,” Hakyeon starts, hesitant. He goes silent again, grappling for the right words to say. He has no idea how to follow through with this. But he needs to tell Taekwoon this. It’s not healthy to keep secrets in a relationship, even if those secrets are potentially dangerous. Taekwoon brings his hand forward, interlaces their fingers, and Hakyeon's frantic heart rate slows and he stops fiddling with the blanket.

 “It’s something about Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon says, finally, feeling stupid when he realizes that this secret isn’t that big of a deal after all. Taekwoon nods, coaxing Hakyeon to carry on. He rubs the back of Hakyeon’s hand lightly with the pad of his thumb. “I— I know something that he doesn’t know I know,”

 Taekwoon only hums. God, Hakyeon thinks with a small flush on his cheeks, this is kind of embarrassing. He’s making a big deal out of nothing, making a problem when there’s nothing to be worried about at all. Hakyeon licks his lips, trying to figure out what to say next, how to explain this, “I know he’s in love with me,”

 And then it’s out there, the stupid little secret that plagues him every passing moment he’s with Sanghyuk, the uneasy churning in his stomach that’s been keeping him down every time he feels Sanghyuk talk to him, smile at him, and God forbid, even look at him. Taekwoon stills, for a moment, and Hakyeon tenses up, eyes closed and grip around the sheets tightening. But then he opens one eye and sees the playfully unimpressed glint in Taekwoon’s eyes, the small smile with his cheeks puffed out like he's holding in a laugh. Hakyeon flushes just a little more.

 “Is he,” Taekwoon says, giggling a little when he finishes his sentence. Hakyeon shoots him a look, and Taekwoon's lips stretch into an even wider smile.

 “It’s not like he’s all that subtle about it,” Hakyeon says, and his heart drops all the way to the pit of his stomach when he realizes he hasn’t been doing anything much to help the situation as well. But then Taekwoon only giggles more, hiding his face in his hands. Hakyeon sees him do it, and he smiles, partly in fondness, partly in amusement. There’s admiration and love swelling in his chest and for the moment all his worries have been erased and replaced with the warmth pooling in the pits of his heart and stomach, “Come on, now, Woonie, don’t hide,”

 Taekwoon shakes his head but he lets Hakyeon tug his hands away from his face, settling them between their bodies with Hakyeon’s hands curling on top of his, “It’s not a problem,” Taekwoon tells him, “We both already know you’re mine, after all,” and he takes Hakyeon’s hand, raises it so that it’ll be placed over Taekwoon’s chest, his beating heart, “And I, yours,”

 “Yeah,” Hakyeon says, mildly breathless, cheeks are pink. Hakyeon's mouth opens but no words come out. He thinks for a moment, tries to find more words in his internal dictionary but realizes that he has none to say. He’s speechless for once, speechless at the way Taekwoon says those words with such soft certainty, speechless at how Taekwoon’s eyes are gazing at him with so much warmth and affection.

 “We’re soulmates after all, aren’t we, Hakyeonnie?” Taekwoon asks, looking up at him with wide, inquiring eyes. His lips are pushed forward into a thoughtful pout, head tilted to the side, cheeks coated with a rosy flush.

 “We are,” Hakyeon whispers. His pulse quickens. The butterflies in his stomach flutter a little more rampantly than usual. His chest feels warm.

 Taekwoon smiles and threads his fingers in Hakyeon’s hair as Hakyeon feels the beat of his heart. “You didn’t have to be so concerned,” he tells Hakyeon. Hakyeon reddens again and rolls his eyes.

 

 

 It's quiet, nothing but the whirring of the air-conditioning unit and Hakyeon's breathing as he works filling the dormitory. It's kind of sad when he's all alone in the dorm like this; Sanghyuk had long since left for class, already slamming the door shut by the time Hakyeon had woken up.

  Hakyeon's knees sink down onto the mattress. His tongue pokes out from between his lips as he shifts closer to the wall, and he plucks out a thumbtack from the pictures sticking to the corkboard he'd put on the wall beside his bed. He sticks the tack onto a vacant space on the corkboard and gathers the Polaroid it had been pinning. They’re mostly of him and Sanghyuk and Jaehwan, and some of his family as well. He smiles at them and stacks them onto a neat pile, before plopping down on his mattress and proceeding to look at them one by one.

 They’re even more beautiful in color, Hakyeon sees, the dynamic vibrance bouncing around the pieces of paper, blending in perfect harmonies, complementing every other color beautifully. He trails the pad of his thumb over the surface and smiles to himself, before stopping at a photo Jaehwan had taken. Sanghyuk and Hakyeon on a beach mat, Hakyeon leaning into Sanghyuk’s space with a wide grin, arms around Sanghyuk’s shoulders. Sanghyuk’s smile is much smaller. Hakyeon can see the smudge of pink on his cheeks.

 Hakyeon wonders, sometimes, if he had led Sanghyuk on.

 Sanghyuk hadn’t deserved that, hadn’t deserved pining over him with his little (big) crush, hadn’t deserved the way Hakyeon got too close to him, acted too sweet with him, the latter knowing all too well about the feelings brewing inside Sanghyuk’s chest. Maybe if he had kept his distance, Sanghyuk wouldn’t have fallen so hard. Maybe if he had kept his distance, Sanghyuk wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Maybe Sanghyuk wouldn’t have cried himself to sleep for a week after Hakyeon met Taekwoon.

 Hakyeon wonders, sometimes, if he had kept it up because somewhere, inside him, he wanted to return Sanghyuk’s feelings. Because his protective instinct didn’t want his best friend to get hurt, even if the only person who could have hurt him was Hakyeon himself.

 Hakyeon sighs and puts the photographs away, tucking them safely in the pocket of one of his bags. He looks at the mess of unfolded clothes on his bed and he reaches for one, folding it slowly and carefully. He smiles in satisfaction when he’s finished with it and puts it in a bag. Then he reaches for another one, trying not to think about the photographs, or Sanghyuk. But it’s hard even with the distraction of clothes that need to be folded, and halfway into the task he groans and tosses the one he'd been folding back onto the pile, tilting his head up so he can stare up at the ceiling instead. Bleak gray.

 Hakyeon looks down again and reaches for another shirt. A sweater, this time. Something Sanghyuk had gotten for him for Christmas last year. He blinks and folds the sleeves.

 It wouldn’t have worked out, anyway, he thinks. Even if he had fallen in love with Sanghyuk at some point it time, it wouldn’t have mattered. Soulmates exist for a reason, after all. Sanghyuk would’ve ended up miserable if they’d started dating. Both of them would have ended up miserable.

 But now Sanghyuk can move on. Now, Sanghyuk can find his soulmate, have the relationship he so deserves. Sanghyuk can be happy, just like Taekwoon and Hakyeon, just like those two boys they’d met in the grocery store a few weeks ago and have been growing closer to. Hongbin and Wonshik. Someday, Sanghyuk can be as happy as them.

 Grass grows greener on the other side, after all.

 The telltale slam of a door slamming open reverberates across the dorm, and Hakyeon cringes when the jarring sound reaches his ears. Hakyeon doesn’t have to look up to know who it is, but he does anyway, and he sees Jaehwan bouncing on the balls of his feet, bubbling with nerves and excitement. “Hakyeon-hyung!” he cries, running over to knock Hakyeon into an embrace, and Hakyeon laughs.

 “I missed you too, Jaehwannie,” he says, “But you toppled over my clothes,”

 He frowns at the formerly neatly-stacked pile of folded clothes sitting beside him on the bed, now fallen and having become nothing but a mess of sleeves and fabric. Jaehwan chuckles and ducks his head, rubbing a hand behind his back. “Packing up so quickly?” Jaehwan asks, sitting on a vacant space on the bed. He stares at the tiny clothes-mountain but doesn't make any move to help. Hakyeon sends him a dry look, and Jaehwan only laughs, hands held up in silent surrender.

 Jaehwan claps his hands together, grin on his face widening, “Hyogie and I are gonna get pizza tomorrow!” he says, at which Hakyeon gasps, about to go off on a rant about how he hadn’t been invited even though it was mandatory to invite him, but before he can start Jaehwan quickly adds, “And I wanted to ask if you could make it! You know, since boyfriend time and all,”

 He grins impishly, waggling eyebrows at Hakyeon, and Hakyeon scoffs. He starts folding clothes again.

 “Of course I would make it,” he huffs, mildly offended, and Jaehwan grins apologetically. He stands up.

 “Well, good luck with your packing, hyung!” he says, rushing out the door. Hakyeon’s about to yell at him to come back here and help, Goddammit, but he can already hear the front door swinging shut. He sighs and looks at his clothes.

 His phone dings.

  _Taekwoonie <3_

_Friday, 5:54 PM_

_I cooked dinner. Arrive home safe and soon, I love you._

 Hakyeon’s heart warms up, and he smiles like an idiot as he looks down at the phone, even more motivated to do the task at hand. Home, huh? he thinks, quickly typing out a reply before tossing his phone away so he can actually focus on what he’s doing. Packing.

 Home. It has a nice ring to it.

 

 

 “Going somewhere?”

 Hakyeon looks up from the fidgeting with his hair gels and lotions nearly arranged in the dresser drawer, only to see the silhouette of a tall, lanky figure standing behind him in the mirror. He screams and whips around, hands shaking around the hairbrush he's holding up as a weapon, and Taekwoon steps out of the shadows and chuckles.

 “Prick!” Hakyeon shrieks at him, face red, hand on his heart. “What's so funny?!” He puts the hairbrush down and scowls at Taekwoon. Taekwoon only laughs again, in that soft, enchanting voice of his, and Hakyeon huffs. He crosses his hands over his chest and turns back to the mirror, brushing his hair with stiff movements.

 “Sorry for frightening you,” Taekwoon says behind him, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Hakyeon's shoulders. Hakyeon grunts and peels the arms off of him. “I'm sorry, love, I really am.”

 “Well, don't do it again,” Hakyeon mutters, messing with his hair. He meets Taekwoon's eyes in the mirror and quickly looks away, keeping his hard gaze locked on the surface of the dresser, lips twisted into a grown.

 “Are you mad?”

 “No shit I'm mad,” Hakyeon snaps out, and Taekwoon only laughs and presses a small kiss on  Hakyeon's cheek. Hakyeon shifts uneasily. If this continues, he's going to have to cave, and he really doesn't want to give Taekwoon the satisfaction.

 “Don't be mad, please,” Taekwoon says, hands wrapping around Hakyeon again. He finds Hakyeon's hands and slots their fingers together, and Hakyeon sighs, leaning against Taekwoon's frame. “I won't do it again, I promise. You're just cute when you're scared.”

 Hakyeon scowls, but he sags against Taekwoon's broader frame, breathing in Taekwoon's cologne. He looks up and Taekwoon's lips quirk up in a little grin, and Hakyeon rolls his eyes. He stands up, Taekwoon's arms still wrapped around his torso, gaze never leaving the mirror. He smiles at his reflection and nods to himself.

 “You look good,” Taekwoon says in confirmation, “Don't worry. Where are you going?”

 “Pizza,” Hakyeon shrugs. Or, well, attempts to, and it only ends up looking like he's wriggling in Taekwoon's embrace. Taekwoon puts his chin on Hakyeon's shoulder, humming under his breath.

 “Are you going with anyone?” Taekwoon goes on.

 “Uh,” Hakyeon says, frowning curiously at the question, meeting Taekwoon's eyes in the mirror again and raising his eyebrows as if to ask if all this interrogation really is necessary, “Jaehwan and Sanghyuk.”

 Taekwoon frowns at that. Hakyeon's eyebrows rise even more, “Woonie? Is something wrong?” he turns around, staring up at Taekwoon, holding both his hands. Hakyeon frowns, “Are you alright?”

 Taekwoon tilts his head down a little bit so he can meet Hakyeon's worried eyes. The frown lifts off his face, replaced by a tender smile, and his grip around Hakyeon's hands tighten just a little, “No, I'm just,” he heaves a heavy sigh, gaze sliding from Hakyeon's own all the way to the floor. Taekwoon wriggles his toes. “Do you have to go?”

 “It's just dinner, Woonie,” Hakyeon reassures with a bright smile, “Don't you worry too much.”

 “It's not you I'm worried about, though,” Taekwoon says softly, avoiding Hakyeon's eyes. Hakyeon frowns and tilts his head, but he doesn't say anything, simply waits for Taekwoon to finish what he'd been saying, “I'm worried about Sanghyuk.”

 Hakyeon stills.

 “What about Sanghyuk?” he asks, pushing his lips together and staring inquisitively up at Taekwoon with the most confused expression that he can muster.

 Taekwoon sighs and shakes his head, looking away from Hakyeon. He purses his lips. Takes a deep breath through his nose.

 A beat passes. Two.

 “I mean- what if he isn't over you yet?”

 Hakyeon stills. He stands stiffly, the sensation of Taekwoon stepping closer and putting his hands- cold; they're so cold- on Hakyeon's face somewhat distant.

 Hakyeon forces out  chuckle. “What would that matter?” he says, pulling a little farther back. The chill fades away from his cheeks when Taekwoon's hands fall back to his sides. “I have you. And he understands. Silly Taekwoonie.”

 There's a certain lump in his throat, though- a sudden heavy ache in his heart; his stomach turns at the idea of it, at the thought of what if, what if Sanghyuk is still in love with him, and Hakyeon does end up giving him (more?) false hope without even knowing it?

 “Of course,” Taekwoon's voice makes Hakyeon blink. He can feel Taekwoon's warmth behind him now; he's got his hands on Hakyeon's back with the pads of his fingers pressing against the terse muscles. Hakyeon represses a contented sigh when he feels the tension seep away.

 “I'm just worried. I don't think it's safe for you to spend so much time with him just yet- someone might get hurt.”

 The tension in his muscles hadn't melted away; they'd merely scattered off and bundled up somewhere else. Hakyeon nearly chokes when the tightness in his chest increases tenfold.

 Hakyeon scoffs instead; laughs it off and rolls his eyes at the thought, but Taekwoon’s words don’t leave him when he makes his way out of Taekwoon’s- their- place, calling out final words of goodbye. Don’t leave him as he hails a taxi and gets inside, fiddling with his phone and sending a text informing Jaehwan and Sanghyuk that he’s on his way. Don’t leave him as the cab pulls over and don’t leave him as he pays the driver, getting out, having to breathe deeply before stepping inside the pizza place.

 Hakyeon has to blink several times upon coming inside. He grimaces at the sudden attack of brightness, at the cacophony of mundane chattering and conversation filling his eardrums, and Hakyeon counts to three before he lets his eyes rove around the area, scanning for his friends.

 He spots them at a table next to the glass wall, almost on the other side of the room, waving at him and making come hither hand motions. He smiles and waves back before joining them, sitting next to Sanghyuk, movements smooth and easy. He forces himself to not be stiff, forces himself to not think of what Taekwoon had said, even if the words echo over and over again in his mind like a broken record.

 Sanghyuk elbows him, “Something the matter?”

 And his eyebrows are knitted closely, eyes radiating so much concern, that the words lodge in Hakyeon’s throat when he opens his mouth to respond. Sanghyuk raises an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

 “No,” Hakyeon manages to say, “I’m fine.”

 Sanghyuk looks like he’s about to say something, but Jaehwan clears his throat. “Now,” he says as he claps his hands together, voice exaggeratedly low and theatrical, and all their attention transfers to him, instead. Hakyeon rolls his eyes, “I’ve gathered all of us here today with a very important purpose in mind, and that purpose is-”

 “Just get on with it, hyung,” Sanghyuk interrupts, but there’s laughter in his voice, and when Hakyeon glances over he sees that his friend’s eyes are shining. He smiles to himself. Yes, this is nice.

 “-And that purpose is,” Jaehwan repeats, voice louder than before, “I have some good news to tell.”

 “And that is?” Hakyeon asks slowly, leaning back.

 Jaehwan drums his hands on the table, taking a deep breath. Sanghyuk giggles.

 “I-” Jaehwan declares, “Have gotten the chance to showcase my art!” he grins so widely that Hakyeon would have questioned the possibility of it if not for the fact that this is Jaehwan. “It’s nothing big but-”

 He’s cut off by Hakyeon’s cry of, “Holy shit, Jaehwan, that’s fucking amazing!” and Sanghyuk’s zealous clapping in the background. Jaehwan’s beaming at this point, sunshine and all, teeth showing and eyes a bit glassy under the lighting, and Hakyeon joins in on Sanghyuk’s enthusiastic applause.

 “When’s it?” Hakyeon asks, eyes wide, and Jaehwan bites his lip.

 “A couple months from now?” he says, frowning in thought, “I’m not exactly sure when but-”

 “Way to go, hyung-”

 “Thanks for the support, Hyukkie,” Jaehwan quips, “But it’s definitely soon, that’s for sure,”

 A waitress comes eventually to serve them their pizza, and they talk even more over food, catching up as if they haven’t seen each other in a long time. Conversation is easy, full of banter, full of laughter and jabs, and not once in the entire conversation does Hakyeon think of Taekwoon’s words just before he’d left. He reaches for a pizza slice only for his hands to grasp at thin air, and he looks up and scowls at the sight of Jaehwan holding the final slice in his hands, the latter confessing his undying love to the food.

 Jaehwan meets his eyes and grins before taking a large bite, “Sorry, hyung,” he says, voice muffled by the food in his mouth.

 “Ew!” Sanghyuk says, “Don’t eat like that,” and Jaehwan swallows and blows a raspberry.

 Hakyeon leans back and laughs.

 

 Hakyeon wakes up to his phone vibrating on the bedside table one Saturday night.

 He groans and sits up the best he can without waking Taekwoon, reaching over to take his phone all while wondering whoever in their right mind would be calling him this late. His eyes strain and prickle when he looks at his phone, the light of the screen far too bright for his eyes considering the darkness of the room.

 Eleven forty-five. Sanghyuk. Eyebrows furrowing, Hakyeon answers the call.

  _“Can you pick me up?”_ Sanghyuk immediately asks before Hakyeon has the chance to say anything. Hakyeon frowns on instinct, shoulders tensing.

 “Hyukkie?” he tries. He hears something like a sniffle on the other end, and a hiccup not unlike the sound of a choked-down sob, and his blood runs cold, “Sanghyuk? What happened—?”

 He’s already throwing the covers and rolling off the bed, muttering a silent apology to Taekwoon who groans and shifts.

  _“I’m at the park,”_ Sanghyuk interrupts. His voice is hoarse and his words are slow-spoken, like he’s trying not to sound like anything’s arong, and the warning bells that it sets off in Hakyeon’s head make his heart pound and his mind whirr, _“Swings. Please, just_ pick me up _,”_

“Okay, okay, I’ll be right there,” Hakyeon says, but Sanghyuk’s already hung up.

 He stumbles into a cleaner pair of jeans and shucks off his bedroom slippers in favor of shoes, and runs out the door all while putting on a decent shirt.  He’s grabbed two jackets on the way out, pulling one on as he takes to the streets of Seoul.

 It takes fifteen minutes to hail a cab.

 It’s already well past midnight the moment he gets to the park. Sanghyuk’s sitting on one of the swings, hugging himself and shivering and _not wearing a jacket._ Hakyeon shoves a wad of bills towards the driver without counting how much it is, sprinting as soon as he can towards Sanghyuk without looking back.

 “Sanghyuk!” he calls. The younger man looks up and waves, lips stretched into a poor imitation of a smile.

 “Hyung,” Sanghyuk says, voice wavering. Hakyeon offers his hand and pulls Sanghyuk up. Christ, his skin is _cold_.

 ”Why don’t you have a jacket on?”

 “Didn’t think I’d be out this late,”

 “Sanghyuk,” he chides, at which Sanghyuk only raises an eyebrow at. His eyes are swollen and red, god damn it. His lips too, a little bit. Hakyeon blinks and takes notice of the tear tracks on Sanghyuk’s cheek, “Look at you. What happened?”

 “Nothing. It’s stupid.”

 “What is?”

 “Nothing is!” Sanghyuk insists. “Stop being such a nag!”

 Hakyeon’s mouth opens, and then closes. He looks down and massages his temple and breathes in from his nose.

 “Hyung—”

 “No, it’s okay,” Hakyeon takes long, deep breaths, “Let’s get you home.”

 “I’m sorry,” Sanghyuk mumbles. Hakyeon smiles. He has to tilt his head up to look at Sanghyuk— he’s gotten so tall. Hakyeon has no idea how it happened. He offers the second jacket and Sanghyuk just stares at it for a moment before he takes it and smiles back. It’s weak, but it’s genuine, and Hakyeon figures that’s all that counts.

 Hakyeon’s heart breaks for the first time that night when he lets down his guard and, all of a sudden, feels Sanghyuk’s lips on his.

 He stands. He can’t move, and Sanghyuk is kissing him.

Sanghyuk is kissing him.

 Out of the blue, Sanghyuk is kissing him.

 Sanghyuk’s lips are cold from the frost, and it feels so wrong, so nauseatingly wrong— and Hakyeon wants to move but he’s just standing there, frozen and awkward and being kissed by his best friend, and it feels so _fake and empty and wrong_ —

 His phone buzzes and he pushes Sanghyuk off, eyes blown wide in shock, in betrayal— and Sanghyuk’s eyes are reflecting his horror as he stares back at Hakyeon with his hands over his lips.

 “Hakyeon,” he croaks.

 “No,” Hakyeon says, “No, that did not just happen.”

 He’s in the middle of the park, having just been kissed by Sanghyuk—he’s a cheater, he’d been kissed by Sanghyuk, how is he supposed to tell Taekwoon, Taekwoon loves him so much, Taekwoon will be _broken_.

 His phone stops vibrating.

 “Why did you do that?” he asks, breath hitched, “Why would you _do_ that?”

 “I’m sorry,” Sanghyuk sobs. His eyes are glassy, and Hakyeon feels sorry, feels bad for yelling at him and raising his voice but his mind is still reeling and he can’t stop thinking about how _Sanghyuk had kissed him, Sanghyuk had brought him out here, had Sanghyuk done it all on purpose?_

 “I thought,” Hakyeon’s voice wobbles. His phone goes off again. He swears under his breath and answers it, and his heart plummets when he sees Taekwoon’s caller ID.

 “Woonie,” he says in greeting, a smile automatically spreading across his face, “I just went out for a walk. I’ll be home soon,”

 He hums as he listens to Taekwoon speak, before stilling and pursing his lips.

 “I’m with Hyukkie,” he says carefully, “Something came out. I’ll be home soon.”

 Hakyeon feels his shoulders tense and his grip around the phone tighten. He shoves his free hand in his pocket as he instinctively walks farther away from Sanghyuk, his voice low as he speaks into the phone this time.

 “Nothing happened!” the lie tastes like asphalt on his tongue. He wishes he could choke on it. “Nothing. I’m okay. Nothing’s wrong. I love you,”

 The guilt makes his stomach turn. Taekwoon hangs up on the other side. Hakyeon frowns at his phone then looks at Sanghyuk.

 “Let’s get you home,” he says. He doesn’t try to smile.

 

 Hakyeon tiptoes on his way inside, until he’s in the living room and hears Taekwoon ask, “Why are you sneaking in?”

 Hakyeon screams and jumps, stumbling back and falling on his ass on the floor. He laughs nervously. “Stop scaring me like that,” he says, waiting for Taekwoon to help him up. Taekwoon doesn’t move. Hakyeon clears his throat and stands up.

 “Why do you need to sneak in? I knew you went out,” Taekwoon paraphrases. Hakyeon’s got the answers filling up his lungs. He swallows them down, and the guilt coils at the pit of his stomach like a snaking eating him up from the inside and out.

 “I thought you’d fallen back asleep,” Hakyeon fibs.

 Taekwoon narrows his eyes, “A few footsteps won’t wake me up, Hakyeon.”

 “Can never be too careful,” Hakyeon says around the acid on his tongue. Taekwoon steps closer. Hakyeon’s heart is pounding. If Taekwoon’s this angry about him going out, he can’t imagine how bad it could be if he’d known what had transpired.

 Hakyeon catches himself there.

 As far as Taekwoon knows, nothing had happened. He doesn’t need to know.

 The prospect of lying to Taekwoon disgusts him, but it’s outweighed by the fear of Taekwoon leaving him by a long shot. But Taekwoon won’t leave him, will he? He loves Hakyeon. They’re soulmates. They’re supposed to love each other no matter what.

 “You’re hiding something,” Taekwoon says. Hakyeon holds his hands up.

 “I’m not!”

 Taekwoon’s fingers wrap around Hakyeon’s wrist. Hakyeon freezes.

 “Don’t you love me?”

 “I do!” Hakyeon cries. His head’s spinning. He wants to throw up and wash his mouth out with soap and shower until his skin is raw and red. The grip around his wrist tightens, and he winces. “I love you so much. Please let go.”

 “If you loved me, you’d tell me!” Taekwoon squeezes even more. Hakyeon bites his lower lip. They’ve never fought before. He doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like this at all. “I love you so much, Hakyeon. We’re supposed to be able to say these things. And love each other.”

 “Taekwoon!” he tries to pull his arm away, “Taekwoon, you’re hurting me!”

 “We’re soulmates!” Taekwoon carries on, without any indication that he’d heard Hakyeon at all. “What am I without you? What are you without me?”

 The words hit Hakyeon like a freight train, and the guilt expands a hundredfold, making his eyes sting and his hands shake and his face pale. “I love you,” he says, nearly sobbing out the words.

 “If you loved me, you’d be honest.”

 “If you loved me, you’d be respecting my boundaries!”

 Hakyeon’s heart breaks for a second time that night when he feels himself fall to the floor again, hand on his cheek on the spot where it’s red and stinging, staring up at Taekwoon with wide eyes as he tries to process what had just happened.

 It’s like time had stopped.

 Just Hakyeon and Taekwoon staring at each other, breathing heavily, unable to speak, as Hakyeon nurses the side of his face.

 Hakyeon somehow manages to find his voice first.

 “Get out,” he says, exhaling a shuddery breath.

 “Yeon—”

  _“Out_ ,” Hakyeon repeats, firmer this time. Louder. “Please.”

  _He hit me_. Hakyeon can’t wrap his mind around it. It feels distant, like he’s looking at himself from another person’s view. _This isn’t supposed to happen. He hit me._

He keeps his eyes trained on the wall, muttering for Taekwoon to get out, out, _out, please, I can’t bear to see you here ever again, please_. And Taekwoon leaves the room. And Hakyeon thinks he might be crying. His eyes feel hot. His cheeks feel wet.

 Hakyeon’s heart breaks for a third time that night when he hears the door slam, and he curls up into a ball and sobs.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope it lived up to the past two installments.
> 
> two more two go! whoo! i hope everyone enjoyed! leave a kudos or comment if you want, they give me life uwu
> 
> nyx out <3


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